In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Randomize
