it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
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Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
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Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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