My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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