i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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