Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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