final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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