you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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