I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
