im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
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I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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