I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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