Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
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I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
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Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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