So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize