i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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