Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
