Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
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I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
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Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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