My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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