Cold hands, warm shart.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Did I show you my penis last night?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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