Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
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IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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