I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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