I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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