Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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