Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize