Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
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Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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