a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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