i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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