sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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