And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
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I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
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Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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