Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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