You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
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when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
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I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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