How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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