U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize