you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize