My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize