You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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