Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
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she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
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I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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