Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Did I show you my penis last night?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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