bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
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Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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