I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
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Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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