I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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