Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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