when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
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bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
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Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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