Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize