you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
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Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
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Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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