I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize