O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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