I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
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I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
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So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize