i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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