If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize