well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize