I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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